| This is Why (Barbara Scrapbooks) |
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| Written by Laurie Pecotte | |||
| Tuesday, 10 November 2009 06:38 | |||
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My name is Barbara and I'm from Germany. I would like to share a story about my layout. My husband died of cancer 4 months ago, and I discovered that scrapbooking helps me to remember and cope with the tragedy. My husband was only 52 years old and we have 4 children. Here's the story of this layout :
"Do you know how proud your husband is of your scrapbooking?" When I heard this question from our therapist about a week before my husband's passing I went through feelings between huge joy and deep sorrow. Why do we sometimes see the meaning and value of things only when it is too late? In the morning my daughter had told me in the days around Christmas, when he still was at home, he often looked through my scrapbooks and mini-books in the early morning hours when everybody else was sleeping exhaustedly and his cancer did not let him sleep. My husband, who knew only his work and his sports? My husband who often said to me, " Are you still sitting at your craft table instead of doing something reasonable?" Or who absently mumbled, " hmmm, nice.." when I showed him my latest artwork? He now looked at my scrapbooks in the middle of the night? When my daughter Josefine told me about this, I was amazed and touched. The next day our therapist told me about my husband being proud of my scrapbooks and about the happy memories he was able to experience again by looking through them. I felt heartbroken -- an emotion I felt so often in the months of his suffering. That same morning my husband told me," You have to take pictures of all the people who have helped us in these hard times. You have to make a scrapbook about it". About what? About him? About this monster called cancer? About the heart wrenching pain, the tears, and the sorrow? I only said, " Hmmm, we'll see." The hospital routine stopped our conversation, like so often, and then it was too late to talk. In May 2008, shortly after he was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, my husband said, "You have to take a photo of me every week now." There it was. The feeling of wanting to hold onto the memories, but I couldn't do it. The changes brought to him by medication, chemotherapy, and radiation were too painful for me to document at that time. Of course, I'm a scrapbooker at heart. Often I had the fleeting idea of layouts about special moments in my head during that time, but the ever present depression, the pain, and the helplessness paralyzed my creativity. Anyway, do we really want to remember all that? All the horror, the rollercoaster of feelings, and all the terrible fears ? I could not figure this at the time. I only wanted to forget and block everything out. But slowly, I began to see things in a different light. I have an assignment, and one day I will carry out this task, for my husband, for my children and for me. I want to scrapbook again. Finally, I really do, and I have always scrapped the many-sided facets of our real life with all of its ups and downs. I want to forget the year 2008, the worst year of my life. I would flush it down the toilet, if I could. But that, of course, is out of the question, isn't it? So I will scrapbook it as I have scrapbooked our wonderful life before we were struck with this horrible disease. It is part of our family and of our life, though I will never come to terms with this fate. So, what does a young widow do in her sleepless nights? I work on the mountains of paperwork, cry rivers of tears, and scrapbook of course. I created this layout one night a week after my husband's passing. It was my first therapeutic layout and the first page of the scrapbook my husband asked me to do. Why did I scrap these 9-year-old photos? My kids had put together a slide show for their father's memorial services to document the 52 years of his life. When these pictures fell into my hand I thought, "This is him, my first and only love. Easygoing and a daredevil. That is how I want to remember him forever. This will be a good starter for a scrapbook about him." The title of the layout is "Then". The journaling is in German and translates, "Then... all was well in our world. Sound as a bell, lucky and happy on the peak of life. No problems, a good job, 4 little children keeping us busy, what a wonderful life we had, then. Looking at this picture now makes me realize how little did we know. We thought we would live happily ever after. So good we didn't know what lay ahead of us. So good we had a untroubled life, then." I hope this story will let readers see the joy that scrapbooking can bring into life, even in its darkest moments. Credits: Damals by Barbara Haane PP / October Afternoon, Basic Grey and Collage Press
Chipboard Thickers / American Crafts
Sheer Calender Tag / Maya Road
Journaling Spots and Epoxy Sticker / K&Co.
Chipboard Heart / Heidi Swapp
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Comments (16)
 
I am touched beyond words as the tears are in my eyes for you and your families trial in your husbands illness and death. I am glad you can find solace in documenting him. And I hope this hobby we all love keeps helping you in the days to come. Thank you for sharing your story.
1
November 10, 2009
Wow - Danke schön! Thank you so much for sharing such a raw & personal piece of yourself and for reminding us all how precious the every day moments really are. Many prayers for peace & comfort for you & your children.....
2
November 10, 2009
Barbara - Thank you for sharing your very personal story.
3
November 10, 2009
Thank you for taking the time to share your emotional story and experience. I am glad to hear that your pages brought such joy to your husband through his difficult time. I am also glad to know that your continuing on in telling your stories of triumph and trial, happiness and loss can help you in your mourning and healing process. May you and your family be blessed as you carry on together.
4
November 10, 2009
I read your story with tears in my eyes. Thank you so much for sharing your personal journey with us. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
5
November 10, 2009
Your story is truly personal and touching. Thank you for sharing it with us. Your passion for your husband, your 4 children and for creating all those memories through scrapbooking has touched you & your family in very special ways. I think it's wonderful and healing for you to have begun scrapping again. I'm sure your husband, though not with you physically, is so very proud of you! May you find comfort in so many memories you shared with him as you create your loving album!
6
November 11, 2009
Barbara - Thank you so much! I am amazed by your strength and humbled by your willingness to share something so deeply personal with our community. And so grateful to be reminded of the sweetness of everyday life, and the treasure our loved ones really are. May you and your family be blessed with peace and healing.
7
November 11, 2009
I'm speechless. This is so touching! I am in the process of documenting my husbands father as he was recently diagnosed with Liver cancer. I want his Grandson to remember him and how close they were. You are an inspiration to me, not to give up there is a reason! I break out in tears as I go through the photos I take but I know I have too do this! Thank you for sharing!
8
November 11, 2009
Thank you for sharing such a deeply moving and personal story. You are very brave and you have touched me.
9
November 11, 2009
Barbara, thank you for reminding me that each and every day is a precious gift and we only have today to live them as we do not know what the future holds for us. I am truly touched by your story and wish you the very best in your healing process.
10
November 11, 2009
I am so touched by your story. I, too, know the sorrow of losing someone I love to cancer. My father passed away in March 2008 after a very short battle with liver cancer. I got to fly home to see him the week before he died and the memory of those short 7 days will be with me forever. I created two photo books of pages I created of my father's life and I hope that my son, my siblings, my nieces and nephews, will look at the photos in those books and realize how blesses we were to have this wonderful man as a part of our life and the head of our family.
My thoughs and prayers are with you and your family. 11
November 11, 2009
My heart is overwhelmed by your sadness and by your loss. I lost a daughter two years ago, and although that isn't as difficult as losing a spouse, I can empathize with your grief, your loss, and your despair. I also am cheered by your desire to scrapbook your lives. What an awesome scrapbook it will be some day. Your story is encouraging me to start a scrapbook about my husband's military career. I've often said I'd do it, and I need to do it while he's alive to tell me the stories. How horrible it would be if I waited too long. And, I am so glad that the classes here always make us do some pages about ourselves. We're all here for you to support you and share your grief. Chin up, there are brighter days ahead.
12
November 11, 2009
What a touching story....I'm so sorry for your loss...you remind us why we all scrapbook....to pass on our legacy. Thanks for sharing your story...you truly touched my heart.
13
November 11, 2009
I am very touched by your story. You have expressed yourself beautifully. I will keep you in my thoughts as I struggle to scrapbook my son's journey and death to cancer. You have reminded me that "then" does not last forever. Your journaling is so heartfelt and real. It is a beautiful layout. God bless.
14
November 14, 2009
Thank you Barbara for sharing this very personal story. I am so very touched by your frank words it almost made me cry. I would like to give my sympathies out to you and your family and hope that you have the strength to carry on in those hard times. your husband would sure be proud of you and your courage to do this scrapbook!
Love from Germany, Jenny 15
November 14, 2009
Barbara your story about your husband is so beautiful and sad at the same time. I'm glad you know how much he loved your scrapbooking and your layout is such a wonderful tribute to both of you. Hugs and prayers to you and thank you for sharing this with us.
16
November 15, 2009
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